if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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