my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
