Barsexuality is the new black.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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