i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
