My brain says no but my pants say off.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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