She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
