I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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