i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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