I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
