New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
