I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were trust falling into bushes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
