Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
