I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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