My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
