GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
