you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
