READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
