And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
