I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
