She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
