I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
