Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
