Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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