I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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