"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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