I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
