just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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