just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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