Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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