Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
