when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
