so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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