I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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