We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
