there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
