video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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