woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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