I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
