just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This baby is an asshole
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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