the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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