she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
