Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
