Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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