after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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