I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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