Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
