i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
