Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
