I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
