i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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